Raw Results 03/14/11
Raw Results from St. Louis, MO:Raw opened with a poster showing The Rock talking on a microphone. Rock was shown on camera on a cell phone pretending to be talking to the president about John Cena's final knockout response last week on Raw. Rock said nobody laughed at Cena's routine, because it stunk. Rock said he's tried to talk to Cena like a man, and Cena talks to him like a child.
Just then, John Cena's theme music started playing. Rock pretended Cena was there at his home. Rock told Cena he had his final chance to talk to him like a man. A little kid dressed in Cena gear came in with "You Can't See Me." The kid busted a rap line and then told Rock "you want some, come get some."
Rock sat down in a chair to have a talk with Cena, saying he will never be as good as The Rock. He asked if he knows why he won't. The kid said "because I'm not as talented?" and Rock agreed with him. Rock asked how they makes him feel but before the kid could respond Rock yelled "it doesn't matter how it makes you feel." The kid started crying. Rock said the millions of fans have seen Cena's movies and they're not crying. He handed him a purple Cena T-shirt to use to blow his nose on. Rock then pulled out a box of Fruity Pebbles to give the kid as a gift.
Once the kid took off with the cereal, Rock turned to face the camera to introduce himself to The Miz. Rock said he noticed a few statements Miz made last week by hitting the People's Elbow and talking trash about his family. Rock said it's clear Miz wants the single biggest ass-whooping of a lifetime. Rock said time for talking is over, it's time for Wrestlemania, and he will bring it live on Monday Night Raw before Mania. Rock said Miz and Cena should be concerned with how badly he layeth the smack down on both their candy asses.
They showed special guest Snooki backstage with WWE Diva Trish Stratus. Michael Cole was shown sealed inside a clear glass box where he could commentate from. Cole said it's called "The Cole Mine" to protect himself from Jerry Lawler so he can still commentate on the matches.
The Miz came to the ring to respond to The Rock. He said if Rock steps into the ring he'll make him cry like a 6-year-old. Miz said unlike Rock talking about beating up Cena, he's actually done it, three weeks in a row. Miz said the Rock doesn't own John Cena, he does. Miz warned Rock if he brings it to Raw he will be overshadowed by the most must see champion in the history of WWE.
Right after Miz finished his speech, the lights flashed and email sound chimed. Cole stood up in his box, opened the door and walked over towards the laptop. Jerry Lawler stood up and got up to read it, causing Cole to stop. Lawler told him to go back home because his cage is cleared out by now. Lawler read the GM's email saying there will be two first time ever matches. John Cena will face a man he's never faced before, Alberto Del Rio. The Miz will face The Great Khali.
The Great Khali vs. The MizDuring the match, Khali got the skull crush on Miz's head. Miz got to the ropes. Suddenly, Alex Riley rushed into the ring to attack Khali. The ref called for the bell. Khali turned around and beat up Riley, then hit the Punjabi Plunge on him.
Miz got back in the ring with a steel chair to start bashing on Khali. He knocked Khali to the mat and kept slamming the chair on his back repeatedly. The chair eventually broke. Miz used it to DDT Khali's head into to finish him off in the ring.
Winner: Great Khali wins due to disqualification of The Miz when Alex Riley interfered.
Matthews and Lawler said there's just 20 nights until Wrestlemania 27. They brought up the Undertaker vs Triple H match scheduled for the event and showed Triple H's messaged on to Smackdown to Taker.
Backstage, Snooki was talking to John Morrison. Suddenly, Vickie Guerrero came walking up and started to dis Snooki. Dolph Ziggler was there too. Vickie said she's sick of Snooki. Snooki made a remark about how Vickie would have to be a centerfold because they can't fit all of "that" on one page. Vickie tried to slap her, but Snooki blocked it then slapped Vickie instead.
Sheamus vs. Daniel BryanLast week Sheamus vowed to beat Daniel Bryan for the US title or he'd quit WWE. Cole brought up that Sheamus is on the cover of Muscle & Fitness. Daniel Bryan came to the ring with girlfriend Gail Kim.
US Championship Match
Late match, Bryan gained momentum. He had Sheamus down to his knees and delivered multiple kicks to his chest, then a solid roundhouse to his head. Sheamus fell to the mat and Bryan thought he had the win. Sheamus kicked out last minute though. Bryan went to the corner for a jumping move, but as he jumped Sheamus was ready with the Brogh Kick mid air. Sheamus grabbed the pinfall and won the US Title. He left the ring to pound on Cole's cage about it and bragged to Lawler/Matthews, raising up the belt.
Winner: Sheamus wins via pinfall over Daniel Bryan to become new United States Champion.
Cole stood up on his commentators table inside the cage. Cole said he's going to introduce someone next to expose Lawler for who he really is.
WWE Slam of the Week recapped Michael Cole trying to get JBL as his special referee for WM27. Instead, Stone Cold came out and interrupted, then signed the contract to be the ref, before dumping beer on Cole's head.
Michael Cole was in the ring and introduced the biological son of Jerry Lawler, Brian Christopher aka Grand Master Sexay. He arrived out doing his dance moves down the ramp. Nobody in the arena seemed to know who he was though. Cole started dancing in the ring. Christopher talked about why he doesn't use the name Lawler, because he never felt like he had a dad growing up. Christopher said Lawler neglected him while he was touring with wrestling promotions. He said Lawler never wanted anyone or anything to get in his spotlight.
Lawler called his son a bigger screwup than Charlie Sheen, for associating with a jackass like Michael Cole. It got heated as Christopher walked over and start shoving Lawler in the head and bumping his chair. He told Lawler he never used his name because he's ashamed of him. Cole said it's just how he thought, Jerry's a pathetic coward and a loser.
All of a sudden, Jim Ross showed up to come down the ramp. JR got in the ring with Cole saying he was wondering when JR would do his John Wayne impersonation to come riding in. Cole called it a slow day in the BBQ business.
Ross talked about the voice of the WWE, saying for years he had the privilege of sitting next to Lawler on commentary. Ross said the voices of the WWE are in the arena and around the world. Ross called Cole a "rat basterd." Ross started to leave, but Cole taunted him saying he knew this is how it'd be with JR walking out of the ring with his tail tucked between his legs. JR got back in the ring, removed his hat and suitcoat, and then his tie before loosening his shirt. Cole took off his suit jacket and tie.
Suddenly, Jack Swagger came rushing out of the crowd and knocked Lawler head first into the commentary table. Swagger got in the ring with Cole and JR, Cole pointed and shouted at JR, then Swagger applied the Anklelock on JR in the ring. Cole got down and asked JR how that feels. Lawler rushed back in the ring to make a save, attacking Swagger. He got Swagger to the corner, but Cole jumped on Lawler's back. Swagger punched Lawler down, then put the Anklelock on Lawler for a bit.
After Swagger released the hold, he instructed Cole to put the Anklelock on JR again. Cole did it with Swagger yelling instructions. JR yelled in pain for a bit before Cole released the lock. Swagger and Cole raised their arms up in the ring.
They showed a Raw Rewind of Orton delivering a Punt kick on Michael McGillicutty one week, then David Otunga the next. CM Punk was ringside both times to witness it.
Randy Orton vs. Mason RyanRyan was the last member of Nexus besides Punk to face Orton. If Ryan lost this match, Punk would be on his own at Wrestlemania 27 against Orton.
Ryan picked up Orton for a series of backbreakers and then tried a pinfall to no avail. Ryan hit a huge side slam for a near fall. However, just a moment later, out of nowhere, Orton got the surprise RKO to drop Ryan to the mat. Orton secured the pinfall victory to make a 1-on-1 match with Punk at Wrestlemania 27.
Orton walked up the ramp towards Punk, then rushed back into the ring. Punk came running down, realizing what was going on. Orton got in the corner and ran over to Punt kick Mason Ryan. Orton dropped to the mat as Punk slid in. Orton pounded the mat Viper style getting right in Punk's face. Punk eventually backed off.
Winner: Randy Orton wins via pinfall over Mason Ryan.
They showed Snooki slapping Vickie Guerrero earlier. Matthews said Snooki will be out later on as the special guest.
They introduced the latest inductee for the WWE Hall of Fame, Cleveland's own, Drew Carey.
They showed Snooki walking with Trish Stratus backstage. Zack Ryder came up and asked "how about this Situation?" Snooki felt his abs and said "Woo woo woo, it's on." She and Trish kept walking on the way out for the next match.
Justin Roberts introduced tonight's special guest on Raw, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi. Snooki came to the ring with the "Jersey Shore" theme song playing. Snooki gave a "what's up" before saying she was going to be ringside to watch Trish Stratus shut up Vickie Guerrero's big fat mouth.
Vickie Guerrero came to the ring and got on the mic telling Snooki not to ever put her hands on her again. She then complained that Snooki got her cover shot for Rolling Stone magazine. She showed Snooki's cover of Rolling Stone with Snooki riding on a silver rocket, then showed what her cover would've looked like, with Vickie on the silver rocket.
Trish Stratus vs. Vickie GuerreroTrish had the upperhand throughout the early going. She grabbed one of Vickie's sneakers at one point and used it to slap Vickie on the butt several times. Finally, Dolph Ziggler rushed into the ring to stop it and got in between Trish and Vickie.
John Morrison came running to the ring and got in to duck a move from Ziggler. He knocked Ziggler out of the ring then ran and jumped over the ropes to land on him. Suddenly, Michelle McCool and Layla rushed to the ring and got in there with Trish and Vickie. Apparently this was a no DQ match. They teamed up on Trish with Michelle hitting a huge kick to KO Trish down. Vickie took the pin, with Layla and Michelle also on top of her.
Post-match, Layla and Michelle took turns posing on top of Vickie on top of Trish, to take pictures. They shoved Trish out of the ring and celebrated with Vickie after that. Michelle and Layla got down on their knees to start mocking Snooki's height. Michelle started to taunt Snooki, then got out of the ring and walked up to her. Snooki stood up with McCool towering over her. She shoved Snooki back into her chair.
Snooki got up as McCool got on the apron. Snooki grabbed McCool's leg and yanked her off the apron. Michelle hit the apron face first. Snooki then got in the ring and jumped on Layla to start pounding her head against the mat. Michelle rushed back in, but so did Stratus. Trish took down Michelle, and then John Morrison eventually came into the ring as the heels cleared out.
Vickie ended up issuing a WM27 challenge, Team LayCool & Ziggler against Trish, Snooki & Morrison. Snooki said she'll see them there.
Winner: Vickie Guerrero wins via pinfall over Trish Stratus to keep her job on Raw.
John Cena vs. Alberto Del RioDel Rio was introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez after driving out in a fancy white convertible. Rodriguez also introduced Brodus Clay who came to the ring with Del Rio.
Cena gained momentum early in the match. Cole started saying he has personal inside info that The Rock is here in St Louis tonight. Raw returned with Del Rio in control of the match in the ring.
Late in the match, Cena had Del Rio up for the AA. Brodus Clay got in the ring to prevent it, attacking Cena from behind. The ref called for the bell immediately. Clay and Del Rio started to attack. Suddenly, The Rock's music hit and the crowd went wild.
Unfortunately for them, it was The Miz dressed as Rock in a bald wig and Rock gear with shades. He came to the ring where Cena tried to beat up Clay and Del Rio. Clay knocked Cena down. Miz got in the Rock stance and waited for Cena to get up, then hit the Rock Bottom on him. Del Rio hit his running kick to Cena's head in the corner. Clay hit a move for good measure as well. Cena rolled out of the ring.
Miz kept attacking Cena outside the ring including ramming his back into the ringpost and then clocking him with the mic. Miz told Cena he's owned him the last 3 weeks, and will own him the next 3 all the way until Wrestlemania. Miz tore off his "Bring It" sleeveless tee and then hit a suplex on Cena on the ramp.
Cena got back up and tried to get Miz up in the AA. Miz was able to escape and DDT'd Cena into the top of the stage, head first. Miz then stood Cena up on the stage and threw him face first into the spinning WWE logo on the set. Miz waited for Cena to stand yet again, then did Skullcrushing Finale with him into the set piece.
Raw closed with Miz up on stage standing over the fallen John Cena.
Winner: John Cena wins due to DQ over Alberto Del Rio when Brodus Clay interfered.